What a year! Anyone who's seen my earlier posts from this year might recall my fears and struggles with financial stuff. Thankfully those issues seem to be miraculously solved; huge sigh of relief there. But this is a big one; and apologies if I get a bit garbled; it's late, so tired yet can't sleep. My mum's not got long to live. We're thinking it could be anytime soon. I spent all today and all last night with her and my dad, barely slept as her dementia keeps her constantly on the move. And it's just so sad. I know many guys have a soft spot for their mums, but all her long life she's been one of life's givers. Every now and again her dementia lifts and a bit of her old self pays a brief visit, and you can see that sweet, kind-hearted, deeply caring lady come through, just for a little while. That's the hardest bit; seeing those all too fleeting moments of the mum I remember. And in a way this all feels strangely bizzare. There's the agony of seeing her fears and pain, and her concern for the pain she sees in my dad's face. (He knows but she's not been told.) There's the desperation I feel at her slipping away from me, yet there's also this strange, almost beautiful sense of privilege at being able to be there as it unfolds. I've already cried a bucket load. I'm just telling myself that it's the love. It hurts this much because of the enormity of the love, and somehow that seems to have lifted me through so far. Just want to be there as well as I can. But yeah; huge huge one for me.
So sorry for what you are going through, dementia is so horrible as it affects everyone around the person as much as the person itself (obviously in different ways). My Grandma had it many years ago and that was difficult to see. Good luck.
I can only basically understand what you're going through, but it's not the same. My dad had a stroke in 2013 at 59 years old. It was completely sudden and unexpected. His physical health was pretty good considering his age.
It was bad too, and we thought we were going to lose him overnight. To shorten the story, we didn't and I still have him today. But he is NOT that man he used to be. His physical capabilities are almost perfect considering what happened, but mentally, he's a lot more childlike and emotional.
When we're young, we tend to think of our parents as invincible. To see them grow old and frail is...well sobering.
mudsprite said: My mum's not got long to live. We're thinking it could be anytime soon. I spent all today and all last night with her and my dad, barely slept as her dementia keeps her constantly on the move. And it's just so sad. I know many guys have a soft spot for their mums, but all her long life she's been one of life's givers. Every now and again her dementia lifts and a bit of her old self pays a brief visit, and you can see that sweet, kind-hearted, deeply caring lady come through, just for a little while. That's the hardest bit; seeing those all too fleeting moments of the mum I remember. And in a way this all feels strangely bizzare. There's the agony of seeing her fears and pain, and her concern for the pain she sees in my dad's face. (He knows but she's not been told.) There's the desperation I feel at her slipping away from me, yet there's also this strange, almost beautiful sense of privilege at being able to be there as it unfolds. I've already cried a bucket load. I'm just telling myself that it's the love. It hurts this much because of the enormity of the love, and somehow that seems to have lifted me through so far. Just want to be there as well as I can. But yeah; huge huge one for me.
For YEARS i have at least partly maintained a focus on how i can make the world a better place.
I have also learned that "no good deed goes unpunished" which i can say in other words, sometimes i am too philosophical for my own good!
During my Atheist phase, i got the bright idea that i could "figure out life" but that ended up taking me along this philosophical path that has given me an unconventional view on life overall...
In the days when healthcare wasn't as good, most older people past away much sooner. I'm not sure if that was better or worse? (to be suddenly dealing with the immediate death and loss, or dealing with the slow decline, but gives you more time with your loved one?) I had a front row seat as my ex-wife nursed her mother in her final 2 years. Dr's only expected 2 months. Either way, all of us will be dealing either with the sudden, or the gradual, and some might even take it harder than you have? And you are more lucky than some that are not able to "be there" for whatever reason...